The Rooster Strikes Again!

1. Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.
2. Drive carefully, 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident.
3. Procrastination is a lot like masturbation: In the end, you're only screwing yourself.
4. Sure I believe in the Big Bang Theory. God said it and BANG! There it was.
5. Would you rather go hunting with Dick Cheney or riding in a car over a bridge with Ted Kennedy? At least Cheney takes you to the hospital.
6. 60% of the time it works everytime.
7. Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
8. If life gives you lemons, go find the guy who's life gave him vodka and have a party.
9. If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.
10. You paid $250 for a used dog?!
11. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
12. Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
13. 64% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
14. Duct tape and WD-40 are the only tools you'll ever need. Duct tape fixes things that move and shouldn't, WD-40 fixes things that don't move and should.
15. Illiterate? Write for help.
16. Politicians and diapers both need to be changed, for the same reason.
17. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
18. If I'm not back in 5 minutes, wait 5 more.
19. Escalators are great because they never break. They just become stairs.
20. There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

Labels: boredom, food for thought, irony, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster on Thursday, March 22, 2007 at 4:53 PM | Permalink