The Rooster Strikes Again!

You know, I work in Corporate America, so I have had my fair share of time playing Solitaire on the computer, at work or at home (but mostly work), and the old fashioned method - just using a deck of cards.

I'd like to think I'm pretty good at Solitaire. It is very rare that I lose a game. Me, being the smartass that I am, came up with the phrase "No one can beat me at Solitaire... NO ONE!" just to take it a step further.

Well, no one except my damned iPod. I've had various iPods for over 2 years now and each one has had Solitaire on it. Not ONCE have I been able to beat the game on it.

This is really pissing me off. I think it's a conspiracy. I'm not even a conspiracy theorist. I just had to share this, but I have to go now. The government is watching me.

Posted by Rooster at 8:26 AM | Permalink | Comments

I got this in email today and I found it rather amusing. This goes along with my previous post "Merry...":

For My Democrat Friends:
"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

For My Republican Friends:
"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year"

Posted by Rooster at 10:37 AM | Permalink | Comments

It's funny how many comments I've been getting about my profile picture on Myspace. Turns out it's a love or hate relationship. So far today I've been told:

Posted by Rooster at 8:42 PM | Permalink | Comments

Blogger beta is a piece of crap. I thought I'd share that. Since I switched, my comments and links to posts have been hosed. So far, I can't find a way to switch back.

Just an FYI, if you haven't switched yet, don't. You will be sorry. Just wait for the full release!

Posted by Rooster at 9:14 AM | Permalink | Comments

Were you ever a child that sent a letter to Santa at Christmas time, putting in your list of what you want for the most anticipated holiday of the year? I know I was. I never got a reply to my letters sent to Santa, but as my belief in him was dying out, I found myself asking, "where do my letters go?" I never found the answer to that question, but after reading this news story, I learned that several years later, the North Pole had answered that question.

Long story short (mainly because you can read the long story by clicking the link above) is that there is a town deep in Alaska that is named "North Pole". This town is full of roads called "Santa Claus Lane" and "Kris Kringle Drive". The United States Post Office teamed up with this little town.

Now, anytime a letter is sent to Santa, with or without postage, the letter is sent to North Pole, Alaska. In the North Pole, there is a large group of people which opens the letters that have a return address on them. They send replies to those kids ackowledging the letter was received and lets the kids hear what they want to hear so that the magic of Christmas can continue. This volunteer group signs these letters as Santa's elves.

There are some kids that would include questions such as "how many cookies can you eat in a night" or "am I on the nice or naughty list".

I'm going to send one that says "You fat bastard, I saw you trying to hump my mom. You better watch your back." I wonder what kind of reply I'd get for that one? I'll add an update if I get one.

Posted by Rooster at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments

Time to let out a little frustration. At work, I've been running this report in this archaic web based system not by choice, but by requirement because it's all I have available. This system will only bring back 500 results at a time and does not allow an export to a spreadsheet for all results, only the 500 per page. It takes 3 minutes to "get the next 500 results".

I was on the 23rd page. Then, in the blink of an eye, my internet explorer and 3 other programs just shut down for the hell of it. No warnings, no slow downs, no errors, just shut down. Now I have to start all over.

Meanwhile, I have a Staple's "Easy Button" sitting in front of me, mocking me as if it was the reason my programs shut down and I have to do a bunch of re-work.

I think I'm going to create a "Pain-in-the-Ass" button, so that when you press it, it says "That was a pain in the ass!"

Posted by Rooster at 3:22 PM | Permalink | Comments

Throughout the years, I have seen the de-evolution of Christmas cheer. It went from "Merry Christmas" to "Happy Holidays" to "Seasons Greetings" to... nothing (can't risk offending anyone!)... back to "Happy Holidays", and well, it hasn't really gotten past that.

You know what? It's Merry Christmas. It always has been, it always will be. If I say "Merry Christmas" to you and you don't like it, piss off.

So here I am, wishing you all a Merry Christmas.

Posted by Rooster at 11:25 PM | Permalink | Comments

I don't know if this old lady was winning bingo to support her weed habit, or she was selling weed to support her bingo habit.

Either way, Grandma had 214 pounds of Mary Jane in her trunk when she was pulled over by state troopers.

Taking a wild guess, that's worth about $1,095,680 on the street, pulling in an estimated profit margin of $510,580. Don't ask how I came to that conclusion. Instead, read the full story here.

I was supposed to visit my Grandma tonight, but turns out she won't be available for 3-12 years.

Posted by Rooster at 9:05 PM | Permalink | Comments

I had to share this... A buddy of mine, The Cranky Monkey has very bad luck with Murphy's Law.

The Cranky Monkey is exactly that, very cranky. He goes to work, complains about it, and repeatedly tries to get fired or laid off. Why he doesn't just quit and find a job he likes, I don't know. Maybe he is hesitant about losing the material behind all his highly entertaining blogs about inconsiderate morons in corporate restrooms.

One would think that if an employer hears their employee begging to be laid off, they would have the sense to recognize the individual no longer wants to work there and let him go. Does it matter why? No. Just let him go.

Seriously, he makes every effort to motivate his employer to let him go, but no, they keep saying "Congratulations, we decided to keep you on board!"

And people say Alcatraz was impossible to escape...

Hopefully one day his dreams will come true and he will be let go. Godspeed Cranky Monkey. Godspeed to you.

Posted by Rooster at 2:19 PM | Permalink | Comments

Last week my girlfriend took me to Gene Juarez for my birthday and I noticed all around there were signs saying "If you have consumed alcohol in the last 12 hours, we highly recommend you reschedule your appointment. Most of our massages release toxins that, when combined with alcohol in the system, will cause nausea."

Well guess what Gene Juarez... You need a warning that you shouldn't be consuming alcohol for ANOTHER 12 hours AFTER the massage!

About two and half hours after I got out of the massage, I had to go home because my girlfriend was throwing a party for me. I drank and I drank and I drank. After that, I drank some more.

Apparently, the alcohol I consumed conflicted with the toxins in my body and I got twice as drunk in half the time that I can normally handle.

I lost it. I found out what a Jagermeister/Red & Blue Jello Shot rainbow looked like. Trust me, it ain't pretty.

The lesson learned? Just reschedule the damn massage if drinking is to occur in the same 24-hour period. Unless you like "the rainbow". If you like to see this kind of rainbow, let me know because you probably aren't the type of person I want to hang out with. You sick bastard.

Posted by Rooster at 1:22 PM | Permalink | Comments

Alright, I'm jumping on the bandwagon and starting my own personal blog. I've been a member of www.enemesis.org for some time now (check it out), but it's time I have my own blog with my own stuff on my own time. This blog will be all about me and what goes on in the ol' roosters mind.

Oh, and never ask me "if a rooster is sitting on the top of a roof and lays an egg, does it roll to the left or right side of the roof?" You're an idiot if you don't know the answer to this question. Everyone knows eggs roll to the left...

By the way, if you like sarcasm, hang around. I have plenty of it.

More to come...

Posted by Rooster at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments