Who am I?

  • Hi, I'm Rooster. I'm not going to waste space on here telling you about me. If you want to know who I am and what I'm about, check out my profile on MySpace. You can also email me by clicking here.

The Rooster's Thoughts

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Useless Info, Volume 2

So, I'm sittin here sending emails at work and I noticed I use the acronym "e.g." quite a bit. General knowlege is that "e.g." implies "for example".

Huh? How does the acronym of "for example" turn into "e.g."?

Well, I got the answer.

"E.G." is short for "exempli gratia". It is a latin word where "exempli" means example and "gratia" translates to favor.

So, when translated and spelled out, anytime you see "e.g.", the author is saying "as a favor, here is an example".

That, my friends, is your Useless Information for the day.

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Monday, March 26, 2007

Omnipotent Stick Strikes Again!

Adventures at Microsoft... oh yes. What a grand time indeed. The Omnipotent Stick proves itself again.

Coming back from lunch today, I scan my badge to get in the building and as I start to step through the door, 8 people just barrel their way through, pretty much shoving me out of the way. From my (and anyone else that may have seen it) point of view, I was first there and should have been the first one through the door.

The first four people didn't even acknowledge me, just snubbed their way through with their noses sticking up in the air. The fifth and sixth people just gave a head nod, just acknowledging my presence. The seventh person said "Guess you're the doorman, eh?" and the eighth person actually said "thank you."

Congratulations #8, you're on my O.K. list. However, the Omnipotent Stick reigns freely on 1-7. I can't really blame them though, I'd be just as upset and rude to people if I had a sand-packed vagina and a stick shoved so far up my ass that it scratched my nostrils.

For other stories and how-to's on dealing with Omnipotent Stick, click on the titles below.

The Omnipotent Stick
Return of the Omnipotent Stick

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Career Ping Pong

It has become quite humorous about me career path, especially in the last year. Today, I got word that I might get a job back at my old company. I have bounced back and forth, mostly due to contract positions. With that said, it has become a game of Career Ping Pong. I decided to throw together a quick process flow to make my career path understandable to the layman:


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My favorite quotes... In no particular order

  1. Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.
  2. Drive carefully, 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident.
  3. Procrastination is a lot like masturbation: In the end, you're only screwing yourself.
  4. Sure I believe in the Big Bang Theory. God said it and BANG! There it was.
  5. Would you rather go hunting with Dick Cheney or riding in a car over a bridge with Ted Kennedy? At least Cheney takes you to the hospital.
  6. 60% of the time it works everytime.
  7. Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
  8. If life gives you lemons, go find the guy who's life gave him vodka and have a party.
  9. If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.
  10. You paid $250 for a used dog?!
  11. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
  12. Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
  13. 64% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  14. Duct tape and WD-40 are the only tools you'll ever need. Duct tape fixes things that move and shouldn't, WD-40 fixes things that don't move and should.
  15. Illiterate? Write for help.
  16. Politicians and diapers both need to be changed, for the same reason.
  17. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
  18. If I'm not back in 5 minutes, wait 5 more.
  19. Escalators are great because they never break. They just become stairs.
  20. There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

Rooster VS. IRS

A while back I was groanin' and moanin' about taxes. If you care, you can read the post here.

I fought the battle, sent in the paperwork saying "You're stupid, I don't owe you nuthin'!" Well, that's what it said when you read between the numbers and documents of why I firmly believed I didn't owe the $199 they were saying I did.

I got a letter about a week ago saying "we have received your paperwork and it is being reviewed. We will contact you within 45 days with a resolution. We highly advice that you pay the amount owed and if we determine that the amount owed is valid, you will be charged additional interest."

With that said, I thought to myself "they can stick up their ___!", so I didn't send anything.

Amazingly, I heard back from them today. I didn't know they could function that quick. I've spent more time on hold over the phone with them in the past.

I was expecting "the charges are valid, here's the additional interest charged, send us a check".

Nope.

"We are happy to let you know that after reviewing your documents that we have determined we were incorrect in saying you still owe money for the 2005 tax year. This account has been closed upon your request."

WHOA!!! Did I just battle the IRS and win?! Yes, yes I did. Amazing.

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Test Drive

Yesterday I went to get the oil changed in my Passat at the dealership. While I was waiting, my buddy who is a salesman there, said "let's go drive the new Audi A3."

Me, being the VW/Audi fanatic I am, said "heck ya, let's go." So he threw me the keys and we drove off the lot.

The A3 is smaller than the Passat, about the same size as a Jetta. This was the only downfall - not that bad though. 2.0L Turbo, DSG (this is a dual-clutch automatic with paddle shifters), 200hp/207 lbs/tq, bucket seats, 18" wheels, stock lowered with euro suspension, incredible ESP, and a pretty sweet sound system with XM radio. 0-60 in 6.2 seconds. All stock.

This car put a perma-smile on my face. I drove the heck out of it. Sliding sideways around turns, turning on sport mode and watching the rev limiter raise up 7500 rpms on every shift, straight up burnin rubber. Oh man, this was a sweet ride.

It was everything I could do to keep myself from trading my Passat in right there. I think I know what my next car is going to be.

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Monday, March 12, 2007

Holy Ants, Batman!

According to this article, a holy cold war has been inflicted on a Buddhist temple in Malaysia.

Why? Because poisonous stinging red ants have taken residency in this temple. The problem? The Buddhist religion has vowed to "respect other living things", which causes the roadblock of not being able to exterminate these pests even though they have actually sent monks to the hospital and continue to threaten their very lives.

Interesting. In contrast, this seems like the liberals running a war on terrorism: There's an obvious problem, they have no real solution, they are willing to waste time and resources to half-baked responses, and in the meantime, they get their butts handed to them and are being eaten alive because they don't realize when it's actually time to fight and stick it out until victory is achieved.

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Friday, March 02, 2007

The Hunt is Over... Pt 2

I just re-read my post on "Useless Info, Volume 1" and realized I have had way too much time on my hands. I'm so glad I start work again on Monday...

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Useless Info, Volume 1

Today I looked at the calendar and said to myself "Holy crap, it's March! I have to write another rent check already?!"

So the question pops up in my mind, "why is February so short?" So, I started a little research.

No one seems to know the 100% reasoning of the short month, but here are a couple theories:

Theory #1 (though widely believed, historians have marked this one as bunk):

February is so short because the Romans borrowed a day from it to add to August. August was originally a 30-day month called Sextilis, but it was renamed to honor the emperor Augustus Caesar, just as July had earlier been renamed to honor Julius Caesar. Naturally, it wouldn't do to have Augustus' month be shorter than Julius's, hence the switch.

Theory #2 (this one makes the most sense):

The "original" Roman calendar only had 10 months, starting with March and ending with December. Nothing really happened during the winter months, so what we now know as January and February didn't exist, in fact, they were empty. The 8 week period between December and March had no name. Why wasn't this time period named? The calendar was created to govern the cycle of planting and harvesting. At this time, which was about 3000 years ago, the only thing going on was agriculture. Nothing happened in the winter, thus meaning the time between December and March didn't "deserve" to be tracked.

  • Sidebar question: If the time between December and March wasn't tracked or named, how did the Romans know when March officially started?

Some time later, a Roman king by the name of Numa Pompilius, had figured out that giving the world a calendar that was missing one sixth of the year didn't make any sense. Pompilius decided that the calendar should consist of 355 days, which was the approximate time it took for 12 lunar cycles. While still not quite accurate, it was at least a step in the right direction. Within the 12 lunar cycles, January and February were added to the end of the calendar year. There were also several "leap days" added to equal out the time it took to appropriately govern the agricultural process.

It's also important to note that the Romans thought even numbers to be unlucky. Pompilius made 31 days out of 7 months and 29 days out of 4 of the months. With the 355 day calendar, this left 28 days remaining, thus requiring one month to have an even number of days (remember, even numbers were unlucky to the Romans). Since the calendar, at this time, started in March and ended in the newly created month of February, it only made since to make the unlucky month the last of the year. Thus February was given 28 days.

In case you wondering:

  • It is known that Julius Caesar was the one who later changed the calendar to 365 days, hence the Julian Calendar. This was probably done because having 10 leap days a year just didn't make sense when it was a known fact that it took 365 1/4 days for the Earth to orbit the sun, Even though having "30" days would be an even number (unlucky), it had to happen because, lucky or not, superstition cannot override hard fact.
  • Since we couldn't have 365 and "1/4" days in a year, the calendar was changed so that every 4 years, an extra day is added to the shortest month of the year, February. This allows the calendar to catch up on each of the "forgotten" 6 hours of each year, every 4 years.

That, my friends, is useless information that you will probably never be able to apply to anything in your life.

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