The Rooster Strikes Again!

"OK, my wife's birthday is coming up. What should I get her?" Says the old Australian man.

He thinks for a while and then "AH HA! I GOT IT! I'm going to get her a camel!"

So the man goes out and buys a 10 month old camel and gives it to his wife of many years.

The wife loves the camel and treats it like a pet, but the camel doesn't seem to recognize the dominence.

The rule is, you can love your camel, but you can't LOVE your camel.

So, the camel decides to practice a little mating ritual. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but it involved crushing the old woman and killing her. The fate of the camel is unknown at this time.

With all camel-toe jokes aside, here is the story.

Labels: evolution proven wrong, irony

Posted by Rooster at 9:52 AM | Permalink | Comments

Identity thieves think they are so smart. Well, this story proves them wrong. They were phishing for personal information and apparently someone knew what was going on and decided to mess with them.

How, you ask?

The "phishing victim" went to the phishing site and entered:

First Name: Herman
Last Name: Munster
Address: 1313 Mocking Bird Lane
Birthdate: Aug. 15, 1964
Credit Card Number: Fake

Here is the news article

Labels: irony, jackassery

Posted by Rooster at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments

The situation: Several classrooms at Des Moines Area Community College were evacuated after college officials became nervous about a suspicious package.

The task: Call bomb squad to investigate the suspicious package.

The action: Bomb squad investigates the package.

The result: Bomb squad finds a 500-pack box of condoms.

The irony: What is thought to be a bomb, threatening the safety of hundreds of students, turns out to be what is intended to keep those same students safe from diseases and pregnancy.

Moral of the story: Condoms result in an anti-climactic ending.

Labels: irony, jackassery

Posted by Rooster at 9:14 AM | Permalink | Comments

Labels: irony

Posted by Rooster at 6:46 PM | Permalink | Comments

1. Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.
2. Drive carefully, 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident.
3. Procrastination is a lot like masturbation: In the end, you're only screwing yourself.
4. Sure I believe in the Big Bang Theory. God said it and BANG! There it was.
5. Would you rather go hunting with Dick Cheney or riding in a car over a bridge with Ted Kennedy? At least Cheney takes you to the hospital.
6. 60% of the time it works everytime.
7. Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
8. If life gives you lemons, go find the guy who's life gave him vodka and have a party.
9. If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.
10. You paid $250 for a used dog?!
11. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
12. Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
13. 64% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
14. Duct tape and WD-40 are the only tools you'll ever need. Duct tape fixes things that move and shouldn't, WD-40 fixes things that don't move and should.
15. Illiterate? Write for help.
16. Politicians and diapers both need to be changed, for the same reason.
17. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
18. If I'm not back in 5 minutes, wait 5 more.
19. Escalators are great because they never break. They just become stairs.
20. There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

Labels: boredom, food for thought, irony, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 4:53 PM | Permalink | Comments

A while back I was groanin' and moanin' about taxes. If you care, you can read the post here.

I fought the battle, sent in the paperwork saying "You're stupid, I don't owe you nuthin'!" Well, that's what it said when you read between the numbers and documents of why I firmly believed I didn't owe the $199 they were saying I did.

I got a letter about a week ago saying "we have received your paperwork and it is being reviewed. We will contact you within 45 days with a resolution. We highly advice that you pay the amount owed and if we determine that the amount owed is valid, you will be charged additional interest."

With that said, I thought to myself "they can stick up their ___!", so I didn't send anything.

Amazingly, I heard back from them today. I didn't know they could function that quick. I've spent more time on hold over the phone with them in the past.

I was expecting "the charges are valid, here's the additional interest charged, send us a check".

Nope.

"We are happy to let you know that after reviewing your documents that we have determined we were incorrect in saying you still owe money for the 2005 tax year. This account has been closed upon your request."

WHOA!!! Did I just battle the IRS and win?! Yes, yes I did. Amazing.

Labels: irony, the good things in life, war

Posted by Rooster at 6:19 PM | Permalink | Comments

According to this article, a holy cold war has been inflicted on a Buddhist temple in Malaysia.

Why? Because poisonous stinging red ants have taken residency in this temple. The problem? The Buddhist religion has vowed to "respect other living things", which causes the roadblock of not being able to exterminate these pests even though they have actually sent monks to the hospital and continue to threaten their very lives.

Interesting. In contrast, this seems like the liberals running a war on terrorism: There's an obvious problem, they have no real solution, they are willing to waste time and resources to half-baked responses, and in the meantime, they get their butts handed to them and are being eaten alive because they don't realize when it's actually time to fight and stick it out until victory is achieved.

Labels: evolution proven wrong, irony, liberals, war

Posted by Rooster at 11:02 AM | Permalink | Comments

I love it when Democrats are exposed as the hypocrites they are. You've probably seen the news about Gore's electricity bill being close to $1400 a month.

Yup, the voice behind global warming awareness is wasting natural resources more than the average American.

Gore claims he makes up for it by investing in $432 per month in green power.

Um, hello? Two problems here:

1. Do the math:  $1359 on the non-environment friendly energy consumption per month.  $432 a month in green power investments.  That's $927 worth of still-wasted energy consumption per month.  That doesn't offset anything.  Yet, he states this balances 100%.  We can post that statement right next to him spelling "potato" with an "e".
   
2. Gore's spokeperson, Kalee Kreider, states "Focusing on Gore's personal electricity consumption misses the point of "An Inconvenient Truth," which is that governments and the public can work together to reduce emissions."  

Thanks for pointing #2 out. What part of Gore's wasteful energy consumption works with the people and the government to reduce emissions? Is it the part about investing in green energy each month? Nope, that can't be it (refer to #1 above). This doesn't change the fact that he is wasting fossil fuels just like the rest of the world.

Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "just like the rest of the world"? I meant, 4 times more than the average American with an equivalent size home as Gore.

Too bad I'm not a Democrat. If I was, I could start a campaign raising awareness about blogging being a waste of time and energy. And then blog about it.

Labels: democrats, hypocrisy, irony, omnipotent stick

Posted by Rooster at 10:25 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well, it's been since January 29th since I was laid off from my job. I'm on week four of unenjoyment (a.k.a. unemployment).

According to my "Job Application Log", I have applied for 24 positions. I've had a couple promising interviews where I'm waiting for next steps, a second interview, or an offer.

Regardless, I am going stir crazy. I've never been out of a job like this. At least, not when I'm responsible for stuff, i.e. rent, groceries, car payment, bills, etc.

It's ironic that when I had a job, I looked forward to having more than a week off. Now that I've got more than a week off, all I want is to get back in a job. Funny how that works out.

Labels: irony, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 3:41 PM | Permalink | Comments

I've seen a lot of people put "Happy VD" on their Messenger tag line today. I'm not sure if they really thought about what that looks like, but this is definitely not something you should use use an acronym on.

For those of you that are reading this and still don't get the irony behind using this acronym, I'll spell it out for you... These people are intending "VD" to stand for Valentines Day, but this is actually the acronym for Venereal Disease!

So, my lesson to you today is not to say "Happy VD", unless you actually have it and you just gave it to someone you don't like. Oh, by the way, if the latter is the truth, let me know. I really don't want to hang out with you anymore...

Labels: advice, irony, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 2:44 PM | Permalink | Comments

That's right, "Already Been Chewed" is the theme of this story. I ran into this story, titled Students get a lesson to chew on, on MSNBC.

Quick synopsis: A non-profit organization called the Rockville Pregnancy Center, was leading a demonstration at several high schools, talking about pregnancy and STD awareness. There were two parts to the demonstration:

1. Having a volunteer chew a piece of gum for 5 seconds. When the 5 seconds is up, ask someone else to take over and start chewing that same piece of gum (i.e. ABC Gum). Apparently, upwards to 18 people were involved in this process.
2. Having a volunteer choose one of 4 pieces of chocolate, one of which may or may not have a laxative in it.

I understand the point is to show how stupid kids can be by willingly putting themselves in a situation that can have seriously negative affects.

What I don't understand is why they didn't just express their point before allowing the next person to partake in the demonstration. They are now the cause of that which they are trying to prevent.

The least of my concerns here is the Chocolate Volunteer choosing the Snickers: Colon Blow Edition. This is my big concern:

Imagine if ABC Gum Volunteer #3 had Herpes Simplex A (for those of you that don't know, this is mouth herpes). Now, ABC Gum Volunteers #4-18 have a bucket of herpes in their mouth.

What's next? Handing out a loaded bong with a lighter in D.A.R.E class?! "See what happens when you do drugs!"

Final thought: If I ever have a kid, I'll just pay the money for private school.

Labels: evolution proven wrong, hypocrisy, idiots, irony, public edumacation

Posted by Rooster at 3:22 PM | Permalink | Comments

I find it very ironic that with the emphasis in the world today is how to reverse global warming, reducing, reusing, recycling and all that jazz. Cool. I am all about making this a cleaner greener Earth (yes, that is even coming from a Republican like me).

My question: While most of world is now complying to the standards mentioned above, why is it that grocery stores are not meeting these standards?

My first complaint is why can't you recycle plastic grocery bags? It's plastic... other plastic items can be recycled, but Waste Management will deny the recycle can if they see plastic bags in there.

My second complaint is derived from my trip to the store I just got back from. I bought a bottle of hot sauce. That's it. I measured the receipt and it came out to be 2 inches wide and just under a foot long. A bottle of hot sauce justifies a receipt this big? It's not like it's recycled paper or anything. This is fresh tape. If everyone gets a receipt like this, it makes me wonder how many trees are cut down every year just to support written documentation of necessities bought.

Labels: hypocrisy, irony

Posted by Rooster at 4:49 PM | Permalink | Comments

Police Want "Prison Break" Star Charged For Vehicular Manslaughter

I think someone is gonna be somebody's bitch!

Labels: irony

Posted by Rooster at 7:16 PM | Permalink | Comments

I was driving home from work the other day and someone had posted a giant sign on an overpass for everyone to see. This is a common place where democrats/liberals like to protest. It is also a place where I like to flip the birdie to people on the overpass. In case you are asking yourself, this is not just a coincidence.

The sign read "War is Post-Birth Abortion".

Let's think about this. The protestors, most likely liberals over democrats, are using this statement to prove their point that the war in Iraq is wrong and immoral. Good for you libs, I may not agree with your opinion, but I respect it.

However, using "War is Post-Birth Abortion" is very ironic. I know you are trying to make a point using the fact that Republicans are against abortion, but this is where you have made yourself hypocrites:

You are pro-choice. You support abortion. By saying "War is Post-Birth Abortion", you are, without realizing it, saying that you are pro-war.

Here's an idea: I'm going to make a sign that says "Abortion is Pre-Birth War".

Labels: abortion, democrats, irony, liberals, pro choice, pro life, republicans, war

Posted by Rooster at 10:30 AM | Permalink | Comments

I just got back from the grocery store. Interesting experience it was.

I picked up salmon, milk,and eggs. I walk up to the register and the clerk rings up my groceries. I, not really paying attention, just walk up to the debit machine and start running my card.

"How's your night going?" I ask, more out of habit, not like a genuinely cared (come on, we all do it...). I didn't even look up because I'm pressing the series of buttons on the debit machine.

"Not too bad. Do you have an Albertson's Card?" The clerk asks.

"No, ma'am, I don't." I reply.

Pause. "Would you like to sign up for one?"

"No thank you, ma'am", I answer.

Another pause. "Please don't call me 'ma'am'" The clerk stated, sounding somewhat annoyed.

The clerks voice was, well, either high for a man, or low for a woman, and as previously mentioned, I wasn't really paying attention. I say "Sorry, about that, sir."

Whoops! I just realized as I said that, that clerk actually was a woman... just, well, kind of a beastly one. Oh crap.

She says, "Actually, I meant 'ma'am' makes me feel old. Thanks."

Wow, now I felt like an ass.

Labels: irony

Posted by Rooster at 6:20 PM | Permalink | Comments

This actually happened a couple weeks ago and I never got around to posting it. It will probably be very funny to you, but let me tell you, it PISSED ME OFF!

So, I'm sitting at work after having a pretty hefty lunch when my stomach turns and I realize I have to go to the restroom - bad. I pretty much sped-walk to the restroom and when I finally got there, the first stall was taken, so walk in to the next stall.

I notice the last person did not flush the toilet. Gross. I don't want to see that. Whatever, I'll just flush it. So the toilet starts flushing. And keeps flushing...

I'm dying at this point, I have to go so bad. What may have been 45 seconds to 1 minute, seemed like 4 or 5 minutes. The toilet still had not stopped flushing.

"Screw this... I'm going to another restroom."

I start making the painful walk out of the restroom, and as soon as I step foot out the door, the flushing stops.

I walk back into the stall, and guess what? IT STARTS FLUSHING AGAIN!!! WTF?!

I wait again for another minute and it just doesn't stop. It feels like torture at this point. I'm pissed, and the guy in the next stall is laughing his ass off.

This is when I decided it was definitely worth the walk to the other restroom.

Labels: irony

Posted by Rooster at 5:19 PM | Permalink | Comments

The weather man drives me crazy. I've been sittin at home today, looking out the window and watching the newest snowstorm. It's been going four hours and we've probably got another couple inches.

I decide to give the weather man the benefit of the doubt and check out the forecast.

"In Western Washington, we are sunny and cold, but all the moisture has left us."

What the...?!

DUDE! Is your radar broke? Should we rename it the Dipwad Doppler?! It might be cold, but it ain't sunny! It's still snowing, and hard! Seeing that he can't even get it right for what's happening at this very moment, I'm not even going to hang around to see what is "going to happen".

I guess trying to find a weather man that knows what he is talking about is like finding an honest car salesman, lawyer, or politician. It's just not going to happen.

Labels: evolution proven wrong, idiots, irony, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 3:07 PM | Permalink | Comments

You know what grinds my gears? People like the Monoco family that are suing Disneyland because Tigger hit their son.

Has anyone watched the CBS interview with this family?

Anyone with half a brain can see this family has been coached by their lawyer and is lying through their teeth. The little bastard didn't even get hit that hard, however, he had enough "neck pain" to necessitate medication. They say the kid never provoked Tigger, but if you even glance at the video, you can see the kid did something to Tigger when he reached behind Tigger's back. However, "they did nothing to provoke Tigger.

This case is just as stupid as that one moron lady who sued McDonalds because SHE spilled hot coffee on herself.

Personally, I think we should, with a lack of better terms, kill two birds with one stone: Line up the Monoco kid next to the Burning Coffee Lady, give Tigger a pair of boxing gloves and have him beat the ever living crap out of them. Justice is served.

Labels: advice, evolution proven wrong, idiots, irony, sand in your vagina

Posted by Rooster at 7:11 PM | Permalink | Comments