The Rooster Strikes Again!

Jackass 1: "Hey, let's play some frisbee!"

Jackass 2: "Sweet, sounds like fun. Wait... we don't have a frisbee"

Jackass 1: "Actually, I see one right over there. I'll grab it."

Jackass 2: "Perfect. Grab that and we'll start throwing it around"

Jackass 1: "Got it. Seems kind of heavy. Whatever. Here it comes!"

Jackass 2: "Holy crap, that is heavy. Whatever."

Jackass 1 and 2 throw the frisbee around a few more times and then:

Lifeguard: "STOP!!! PUT THAT DOWN GENTLY!"

Jackass 1: "Uh... alright... why?"

Lifeguard: "Hang on. I'm calling the police. You're not in trouble, just a retard."

Within minutes the police, including the bomb squad, shows up and confirms the frisbee is actually an old Soviet 6 kilogram anti-tank mine.

And that, my friends, gets the 2nd Jackassery Award of the Day.

Labels: evolution proven wrong, idiots, jackassery

Posted by Rooster at 9:10 PM | Permalink | Comments

For the last year or so, I've lived in a rental house. It was a seemingly nice house. Decorated, decently sized, very nice yard. It was great for my fiancee and soon to be step-daughter. A few months into living there, we found a leak in the roof. It wasn't too bad, or so we thought.

As summer came to a close, fall and winter rolled in. We had big rainstorms through 2007 and as each one hit, the leak got worse. We kept exeriencing this and it is still a problem to this day.

My landlord had "fixed" this many times. I use the term "fixed" very loosely. He kept sending his friend to "fix" it. In fact, while I lived there, I have had to be home 8 times while these issues were addressed. Apparently there were another 6 times before we even moved in.

It wasn't a huge leak, so we figured we could negotiate a lower price on the house since he offered to sell it to us.

When we talked about buying the house, the landlord said he wanted $390,000 for it. At that point, we decided we were going to check out other houses that didn't have issues, would cost way less, and not have a trashy-ass trailer park with mass mullets running amuck across the street. The owners are going to sell it anyway

We found a beautiful home with almost nothing needing to be done for $340,000. Awesome deal, love the new house, but that's not the focus of my story here.

Anyway, in our last week there, we are in the process of cleaning the place up. My fiancee just called me and said a drywaller was there and overheard a conversation between him and the owners of the house. The owners asked him to cover it up and make it look like there was no damage.

So the guy gets to work, tears the ceiling apart, and discovers the entire roof is on the verge of collapsing because it is so rotten.

He tried nailing two 2x4's on each side of the support beams to give them new support. The original support beams couldn't support the new 2x4's. They didn't crack, they didn't break. They smooshed. WTF?! Ya, I know, wood isn't supposed to smoosh, but this time it did.

This is so bad. I've talked to every roofer that has come out to do an estimate. Every single one of them have said I dodged a bullet. I didn't know how big this bullet was until this last incident.

And yet, the owner is still trying to cover this up and sell the house. Hm... who wants to start a pool on how long it takes for someone to sue my old landlord for everything he's got?

Labels: idiots, jackassery, sand in your vagina

Posted by Rooster at 2:02 PM | Permalink | Comments

So, getting ready for the PNW sponsored Drive to Leavenworth (this is an annual charity event where all the VWs, Audis, BMWs, and Porsches make a road trip to Eastern Washington) , I wanted to get suspension for my Passat, so I found the "best deal" for Bilstein shocks on Autozone.

Ya, I know you guys are probably already snickering at this one. I've never ordered from them before so I didn't know how moronic they are.

So, 7 days after ordering the shocks (also getting my H&R springs seperately from Futrell Autowerks), FedEx drops the packages at my house. I was expecting 2 boxes, one being the front shocks and the other being the rear.

My first indication that something was wrong was that one of the boxes was 2'x2'x6". Hmm... those front shocks must huge!

I opened the big box to find a radiator for a Honda.

I opened the other box and found one rear shock. Just one.

WTF?!?! Lesson learned: Never order from Autozone, they suffer from what I call jackassery.

So, I'm freaking out because I already have an appointment on Saturday to have them installed.

Since I just had great customer service from Futrell Autowerks, I called Aaron to see if there was any way they could get them in by Friday night. Aaron made a few calls, then called me back with great news.

The shocks will be in tomorrow night, by 5:30.

My highest regards to Futrell. They just secured business with me for life. Nice work Futrell. Cheers to you.



Update: To top everything off, I took the radiator and the ONE shock back to a local Autozone store so I could get my money back immediately and not have to deal with the return shipping. Here is what the manager said:

1) "I don't know what I'm going to do with this radiator. Wanna sell it? We have no record that you have this."
2) "Autozone.com always does **** like this. I can't believe it, I deal with this at least 5 times a week."
3) (Last but definitely not least) "Don't ever shop at Autozone. The website, here, or any other store. This company sucks. I'm just here for the paycheck."

I ended up getting the rest of my shocks at about 12:30 today. Now it's just time for installation, aka Project Passat, Phase 2!

Labels: idiots, jackassery, the good things in life

Posted by Rooster at 4:03 PM | Permalink | Comments

I saw this "news" article on Google today: Sheryl Crow's war on toilet paper.

The jist of it is Sheryl Crow is calling for a ban on overusage of toilet paper. Limit one square per sitting. "It will help save the Earth".

This is something I should have added to my list of pet peeves: Celebrities who use their fame to voice their opinion to the world. Guess what? Artists, actors, etc became famous because of their talent in movies, music, whatever. Not because of their opinion.

• Dixie Chicks were famous for their country music. Then they shared their political opinion in a concert. Now they lost their fame and the country music fans have boycotted their music.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger was a famous actor for dozens of movies. Everybody loved him. He then became the California Governer and pissed off a bunch of people with his "girly men" comment. Now he's hated by a lot of people. "It's not a tumor!"
• Rosie O'Donnel... man, I don't even have to explain this one.
• And now... Sheryl Crow wants to limit the world to one square of TP.

There are many, many more I could cover, but I think blogger has a character limit at some point.

The fact is, like I mentioned above, people only like these celebrities for their talent.

Opinion is not talent!

Labels: food for thought, idiots, jackassery, sand in your vagina

Posted by Rooster at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments

I'm normally up and ready to leave my house for work every morning by 7:00, but not today. I woke up at 6:55. My problem is that I hit snooze too many times. My alarm clock will only snooze in 10 minute increments, for up to an hour, then it turns off.

While I'm annoyed at this functionality (that if I hit snooze 6 times, that's all I get), it is not the alarm clocks fault. Granted, this was probably some engineers cruel joke of "how to mess with the consumer", but whatever. In the end, it is my responsibility to get up when the alarm goes off.

This leads me to another session of what really grinds my gears: "I was late because my alarm didn't go off".

This is hands-down one of the most commonly used excuses for late. If I am late, I will not use this excuse. If you are one of those people who uses this as an explanatory of your being late, keep the following in mind:

Using a SWAG (super wild ass guess), a good 60-70% of people that are late in the morning will use "my alarm didn't go off" as an excuse. If 60-70% of people that use this excuse were actually telling the truth, that means that next up to Ford SUVs, this would be the highest defect rate for any technology on the market today.

Hm, how often do you hear about alarm clock recalls? I never have. You probably never have either.

There are billions of alarm clocks used in the world today. Probably less than .00005% (again a SWAG) are defective. That means 99.00095% of alarms work just fine and the millions of people who are late that use this excuse are flat out lying about why they are late.

Come on people. Try taking some responsibility for yourself. You were late because you were a lazy ass. Just like me this morning.

Labels: food for thought, idiots, jackassery

Posted by Rooster at 8:49 AM | Permalink | Comments

That's right, "Already Been Chewed" is the theme of this story. I ran into this story, titled Students get a lesson to chew on, on MSNBC.

Quick synopsis: A non-profit organization called the Rockville Pregnancy Center, was leading a demonstration at several high schools, talking about pregnancy and STD awareness. There were two parts to the demonstration:

1. Having a volunteer chew a piece of gum for 5 seconds. When the 5 seconds is up, ask someone else to take over and start chewing that same piece of gum (i.e. ABC Gum). Apparently, upwards to 18 people were involved in this process.
2. Having a volunteer choose one of 4 pieces of chocolate, one of which may or may not have a laxative in it.

I understand the point is to show how stupid kids can be by willingly putting themselves in a situation that can have seriously negative affects.

What I don't understand is why they didn't just express their point before allowing the next person to partake in the demonstration. They are now the cause of that which they are trying to prevent.

The least of my concerns here is the Chocolate Volunteer choosing the Snickers: Colon Blow Edition. This is my big concern:

Imagine if ABC Gum Volunteer #3 had Herpes Simplex A (for those of you that don't know, this is mouth herpes). Now, ABC Gum Volunteers #4-18 have a bucket of herpes in their mouth.

What's next? Handing out a loaded bong with a lighter in D.A.R.E class?! "See what happens when you do drugs!"

Final thought: If I ever have a kid, I'll just pay the money for private school.

Labels: evolution proven wrong, hypocrisy, idiots, irony, public edumacation

Posted by Rooster at 3:22 PM | Permalink | Comments

So, a little over a week ago, there was the supposed bomb scare when people found little electronic components with an image of the Moonbot from Aqua Teen Hunger Force flipping off anyone who's eyes may have seen it.

Most of them looked like broken remote controls.

I know talking about this is like beating a dead horse, but I had to add my two cents.

You people have lost your entire sense of humor. That's exactly what is wrong with this country now. The majority is so wrapped up in security that it has forgotten the fundamentals of what it is to be an American.

Freedom of Speech. Opportunity. The right to be who you are without conviction.

Pull that stick out of your ass and remember what country you live in. Stop overreacting to stupid crap like this. Just remember, when you freak out like you have to such trivial pranks such as this, that means the terrorists have gotten exactly what they want, to make us live in fear.

Labels: idiots, national security, omnipotent stick, sand in your vagina

Posted by Rooster at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comments

The other day I broke the toilet seat just by sitting on it.

I was pretty upset by this, wondering "how the heck could I do that?!"

Well, tonight the epiphany hit me. I answered my own question when I realized I grabbed a glass of milk and seven Oreo's.

I am my own worst enemy.

Dammit.

Labels: idiots, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 7:42 PM | Permalink | Comments

You know, I am absolutely amazed at how some people survive in this world. In my job, I am a business analyst, project manager, tech support, and an administrator for an application at work. I'm a busy guy. I don't really have time to decipher emails from people that can't even speak or type in any form of English.

I can work with some typos and the occasional skipped word, but when someone is trying to get something across to me and throws out misspelled words, contractions where they shouldn't be, double negatives, and contradictions to one's own statements, it makes my job really difficult.

Here is an example of what I am dealing with right now:

Idiot: I would like to make an account on your [system] or [some other system]. I took over this job from a gentleman with the name. He had an account here. I am not doing work for this in Illinois. Can you please contact me on how I can get account.

Me: Do you need an account for [my application] or [the other system]? They are two different systems, both are based on the [vendor] platform. I can help with [my application]. If you're not sure which one, just let me know what type of work you'll be doing and I should be able to figure out what you need.

If you already know you need access to [my application], go [URL], click "Apply for an Account", and fill out all the required information.

Idiot: I have a [other system] account. I saw that after I send you email. I apply one. If I didn't something wrong please let me know.

So, I then get a new user request from this guy in my system. Keep in mind, the new user request specifically details what is required information. This includes what access levels you need, what you will be doing in the system, first/last name, office phone number, and email address.

The idiot fails to enter what access levels he needs or what he will be doing in the application, so I have no idea how to set him up. On top of that, he enters his 5 digit office phone number, which somehow consists of numbers AND letters. Oh, and he also skipped his email address, but "luckily" I already had it from the email chain.

How this guy gets up in the morning and dresses himself, is beyond me. How he has the title "engineer" is also beyond me. The fact that someone hired this guy to do a job, proves he is not the only one which is this stupid.

This is proof that evolution is complete crap. Survival of the fittest? No, survival of the most reproductive is more like it. Stupid people breed excessively, and there is power in numbers, thus making stupid very, very powerful. No comment on the Bush Administration.

At least I can look at the bright side: If nothing sucked, nothing would be awesome. If nothing was ugly, nothing would be beautiful. Without stupid, there would be no smart.

Labels: evolution proven wrong, idiots, random thoughts, sand in your vagina

Posted by Rooster at 9:44 AM | Permalink | Comments

The weather man drives me crazy. I've been sittin at home today, looking out the window and watching the newest snowstorm. It's been going four hours and we've probably got another couple inches.

I decide to give the weather man the benefit of the doubt and check out the forecast.

"In Western Washington, we are sunny and cold, but all the moisture has left us."

What the...?!

DUDE! Is your radar broke? Should we rename it the Dipwad Doppler?! It might be cold, but it ain't sunny! It's still snowing, and hard! Seeing that he can't even get it right for what's happening at this very moment, I'm not even going to hang around to see what is "going to happen".

I guess trying to find a weather man that knows what he is talking about is like finding an honest car salesman, lawyer, or politician. It's just not going to happen.

Labels: evolution proven wrong, idiots, irony, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 3:07 PM | Permalink | Comments

You know what grinds my gears? People like the Monoco family that are suing Disneyland because Tigger hit their son.

Has anyone watched the CBS interview with this family?

Anyone with half a brain can see this family has been coached by their lawyer and is lying through their teeth. The little bastard didn't even get hit that hard, however, he had enough "neck pain" to necessitate medication. They say the kid never provoked Tigger, but if you even glance at the video, you can see the kid did something to Tigger when he reached behind Tigger's back. However, "they did nothing to provoke Tigger.

This case is just as stupid as that one moron lady who sued McDonalds because SHE spilled hot coffee on herself.

Personally, I think we should, with a lack of better terms, kill two birds with one stone: Line up the Monoco kid next to the Burning Coffee Lady, give Tigger a pair of boxing gloves and have him beat the ever living crap out of them. Justice is served.

Labels: advice, evolution proven wrong, idiots, irony, sand in your vagina

Posted by Rooster at 7:11 PM | Permalink | Comments