The Rooster Strikes Again!

Labels: hypocrisy, jackassery, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 9:16 AM | Permalink | Comments

Wow. What a weekend. Originally, my fiance and I were going to go for a day trip down to Seaside, OR. Well, typical Northwest weather said it was going to rain, rain, rain. I really didn't want to go to the beach on a cold and rainy day.

Instead, the wife-to-be and I decided we didn't want to hang around the house, so we made other plans.

First, we went to the Burke Museum of Natural History at the University of Washington. This was pretty cool. I've never actually gone to a real museum before. If you haven't, I suggest going. It's actually quite interesting.

Next we went to Alki Beach across the lake from Seattle. It wasn't rainy there so it was actually quite nice. We didn't really watch the tide too well though, so before we knew it, we were almost completely surrounded by water on our little island of sand. We narrowly escaped.

When we left, we were taking the I-90 floating bridge and some guy in a VW Jetta decided he wanted to play a little. So I played. We were racing each other at a nice leisurely 125+ mph across Lake Washington. That was fun.

That was the last of the fun. Once I got across the lake (3 times faster than I should have), the wife-to-be and I decide to go see a movie. I wanted to go see Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but I remembered we promised to go see that with my buddy and his girlfriend when they get back in town. I was thinking to myself, "I do want to see that new Nicolas Cage movie".

So I looked it up on my phone (because it's totally safe to surf the internet on the phone while driving), and found the show times.

We drove to the movie theater, got the tickets, popcorn, and soda. We went and sat down and started watching the previews. This is where things got bad. One of the previews happened to be for the Nicolas Cage movie I thought I was there to see. Apparently I mixed up the titles and confused "Next" for "Premonition". "Premonition" is the new Sandra Bullok movie.

Oh man. That was one of the dumbest movies I've seen in looooong time. Stupid, confusing plot and the b!%@# behind me wouldn't shut up.

So, after I walk out of the movie that was so retarded that the moviegoers should have worn helmets, we decide to go get some dinner. We love sushi and thought we'd try this place right by my house that we've never been to.

OK, it's 8:00 PM on a Saturday. Any other sushi place would be PACKED at that time. Not this place. We were the only ones there. I found out why. The only decent thing there was the california rolls and the gyoza. The other 5 or 6 things we ordered were either very distasteful or way too spicy. That place gets a big ol' thumbs down from me.

Time to go home and relax. As soon as I get home and settled in, my phone rings. It's my buddy who's out of town. The guy who was supposed to be taking care of his dogs got drunk in Seattle and couldn't take care of them that evening. The backup wasn't answering his phone. I'm the backup of the backup. Sometimes I hate the fact I am so reliable and always there when people need me. Especially after what comes next.

So, I drive 35-40 minutes in the pouring down rain to get to my buddy's house. When I finally got there, I let the dogs in and feed them. While they were eating, I thought to myself, "I'm gonna shoot some pool", so as I start walking over to the pool table: Sniff, sniff - What is that smell?!

Well, my friends, I just stepped in dog crap. Not a little bit from a little dog. It was a lot from a big dog. To make things worse, I'm wearing my running shoes, so they have a lot of traction - meaning lots of little crevices for crap to get into.

I proceeded to clean my shoes - which took about 20-25 minutes to get most of it out. When I'm done, I look over at the bird cage and realize it's missing something: The bird. Every litte door on the cage was unscrewed and the freaking bird was missing. It took a while, but I finally found the little bastard walking around the house. I put the cage back together and put the bird back.

Oh man, I did I need a cigarette. So I go outside, light one up, and decide I'm going to wipe my shoes on the grass to get any last remnants of the dog crap off my shoe. Well guess what? I got the remnants alright. The remnants of a whole new pile of crap!

So, that's how my Saturday went from good to bad, to worse. For the first time in my life, I actually looked forward to Monday.

Labels: random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 2:13 PM | Permalink | Comments

...and that shape is round. Holy crap. So, last night my step-daughter to be was playing with her new frisbee and accidently threw it up on the roof.

Me, being the nice guy I am, said I'd get up on the roof and get it back. The only problem: I don't have a ladder. So I pulled a MacGuyver and retrieved the larger trash can, pulled it up along side the house, jumped up on it and attempted to hoist myself on the roof.

Key word: attempted.

I quickly found out I am not in the same shape I used to be. You know, in shape, able to climb like a monkey, run like the wind, and actually be able to do stuff like this no problem. Nope, not the case anymore.

As I hoisted myself up, my extra 40-something lbs that is my gut got in the way and bounced me off the roof and I almost fell all the ground but luckily caught myself. How embarrassing.

Labels: random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments

So, I'm sittin here sending emails at work and I noticed I use the acronym "e.g." quite a bit. General knowlege is that "e.g." implies "for example".

Huh? How does the acronym of "for example" turn into "e.g."?

Well, I got the answer.

"E.G." is short for "exempli gratia". It is a latin word where "exempli" means example and "gratia" translates to favor.

So, when translated and spelled out, anytime you see "e.g.", the author is saying "as a favor, here is an example".

That, my friends, is your Useless Information for the day.

Labels: boredom, random thoughts, useless info

Posted by Rooster at 2:12 PM | Permalink | Comments

1. Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.
2. Drive carefully, 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident.
3. Procrastination is a lot like masturbation: In the end, you're only screwing yourself.
4. Sure I believe in the Big Bang Theory. God said it and BANG! There it was.
5. Would you rather go hunting with Dick Cheney or riding in a car over a bridge with Ted Kennedy? At least Cheney takes you to the hospital.
6. 60% of the time it works everytime.
7. Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
8. If life gives you lemons, go find the guy who's life gave him vodka and have a party.
9. If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.
10. You paid $250 for a used dog?!
11. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
12. Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
13. 64% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
14. Duct tape and WD-40 are the only tools you'll ever need. Duct tape fixes things that move and shouldn't, WD-40 fixes things that don't move and should.
15. Illiterate? Write for help.
16. Politicians and diapers both need to be changed, for the same reason.
17. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
18. If I'm not back in 5 minutes, wait 5 more.
19. Escalators are great because they never break. They just become stairs.
20. There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

Labels: boredom, food for thought, irony, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 4:53 PM | Permalink | Comments

Well, it's been since January 29th since I was laid off from my job. I'm on week four of unenjoyment (a.k.a. unemployment).

According to my "Job Application Log", I have applied for 24 positions. I've had a couple promising interviews where I'm waiting for next steps, a second interview, or an offer.

Regardless, I am going stir crazy. I've never been out of a job like this. At least, not when I'm responsible for stuff, i.e. rent, groceries, car payment, bills, etc.

It's ironic that when I had a job, I looked forward to having more than a week off. Now that I've got more than a week off, all I want is to get back in a job. Funny how that works out.

Labels: irony, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 3:41 PM | Permalink | Comments

I've seen a lot of people put "Happy VD" on their Messenger tag line today. I'm not sure if they really thought about what that looks like, but this is definitely not something you should use use an acronym on.

For those of you that are reading this and still don't get the irony behind using this acronym, I'll spell it out for you... These people are intending "VD" to stand for Valentines Day, but this is actually the acronym for Venereal Disease!

So, my lesson to you today is not to say "Happy VD", unless you actually have it and you just gave it to someone you don't like. Oh, by the way, if the latter is the truth, let me know. I really don't want to hang out with you anymore...

Labels: advice, irony, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 2:44 PM | Permalink | Comments

You know how sometimes you see something and it reminds you of a song, and then that song is stuck in your head all day?

Little salamander, where did you go?
The edge of the yard
I found you, you know
All brown and hard

I can't get your body out of my mind!

Yeah so, I took out the garbage this morning and I discovered my fiance had run over a salamander in our driveway. Since I saw the salamander, I have the squished amphibian picture and the Presidents song "Body" stuck in my head and it's driving me up the freaking wall.

I was hoping that sharing this with the world would get rid of it, but I guess that didn't work...

Labels: random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 9:18 PM | Permalink | Comments

The other day I broke the toilet seat just by sitting on it.

I was pretty upset by this, wondering "how the heck could I do that?!"

Well, tonight the epiphany hit me. I answered my own question when I realized I grabbed a glass of milk and seven Oreo's.

I am my own worst enemy.

Dammit.

Labels: idiots, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 7:42 PM | Permalink | Comments

So, I'm a contracted business analyst to Cingular. I get a call last night saying that Cingular can't find the paperwork for my contract. Without that, I can't work. So I'm being forced to take a vacation day as they "get the signature".

Intertesting. I'm not too worried about it because they said they really like me and want to keep me on board; they just need to re-do the paperwork so I can come back on as soon as possible. "Legalities" I guess.

I just find this kinda lame because now I have to use a vacation day. I would have liked to have saved this for actual vacation.

Update: Well, it wasn't just the paperwork. With the AT&T/Bell South merger having it's downstream effects to Cingular resulted in me losing my job. That, my friends, is super lame. Now I'm on the job hunt...

Labels: random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 2:43 PM | Permalink | Comments

I love paper cuts. Quite mysterious they are.

It's quick slice, a little blood, and the release of endorphins as the body quickly tries to heal itself.

Other times, you just notice a cringing sensation and you find the cut, wondering "Golly jee, when did this happen?".

Paper cuts are the best when they are inside the knuckle so that anytime you bend your finger, you are pleasantly reminded of the initial contact of skin-paper-skin.

Oh wait, I'm being very cynical here.

PAPER CUTS F'N SUCK! OW! MY FINGER HURTS! SON OF A...!!!!

that's all for now.

Labels: random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 3:04 PM | Permalink | Comments

You know, I am absolutely amazed at how some people survive in this world. In my job, I am a business analyst, project manager, tech support, and an administrator for an application at work. I'm a busy guy. I don't really have time to decipher emails from people that can't even speak or type in any form of English.

I can work with some typos and the occasional skipped word, but when someone is trying to get something across to me and throws out misspelled words, contractions where they shouldn't be, double negatives, and contradictions to one's own statements, it makes my job really difficult.

Here is an example of what I am dealing with right now:

Idiot: I would like to make an account on your [system] or [some other system]. I took over this job from a gentleman with the name. He had an account here. I am not doing work for this in Illinois. Can you please contact me on how I can get account.

Me: Do you need an account for [my application] or [the other system]? They are two different systems, both are based on the [vendor] platform. I can help with [my application]. If you're not sure which one, just let me know what type of work you'll be doing and I should be able to figure out what you need.

If you already know you need access to [my application], go [URL], click "Apply for an Account", and fill out all the required information.

Idiot: I have a [other system] account. I saw that after I send you email. I apply one. If I didn't something wrong please let me know.

So, I then get a new user request from this guy in my system. Keep in mind, the new user request specifically details what is required information. This includes what access levels you need, what you will be doing in the system, first/last name, office phone number, and email address.

The idiot fails to enter what access levels he needs or what he will be doing in the application, so I have no idea how to set him up. On top of that, he enters his 5 digit office phone number, which somehow consists of numbers AND letters. Oh, and he also skipped his email address, but "luckily" I already had it from the email chain.

How this guy gets up in the morning and dresses himself, is beyond me. How he has the title "engineer" is also beyond me. The fact that someone hired this guy to do a job, proves he is not the only one which is this stupid.

This is proof that evolution is complete crap. Survival of the fittest? No, survival of the most reproductive is more like it. Stupid people breed excessively, and there is power in numbers, thus making stupid very, very powerful. No comment on the Bush Administration.

At least I can look at the bright side: If nothing sucked, nothing would be awesome. If nothing was ugly, nothing would be beautiful. Without stupid, there would be no smart.

Labels: evolution proven wrong, idiots, random thoughts, sand in your vagina

Posted by Rooster at 9:44 AM | Permalink | Comments

The weather man drives me crazy. I've been sittin at home today, looking out the window and watching the newest snowstorm. It's been going four hours and we've probably got another couple inches.

I decide to give the weather man the benefit of the doubt and check out the forecast.

"In Western Washington, we are sunny and cold, but all the moisture has left us."

What the...?!

DUDE! Is your radar broke? Should we rename it the Dipwad Doppler?! It might be cold, but it ain't sunny! It's still snowing, and hard! Seeing that he can't even get it right for what's happening at this very moment, I'm not even going to hang around to see what is "going to happen".

I guess trying to find a weather man that knows what he is talking about is like finding an honest car salesman, lawyer, or politician. It's just not going to happen.

Labels: evolution proven wrong, idiots, irony, random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 3:07 PM | Permalink | Comments

2005 went something like this: I worked my ass off, got paid very little, including automatic federal income tax dues, and put my monthly deposit into my mutual funds. Towards the end of the year, I made a $750 withdrawal from the mutual funds to afford Christmas presents for the whole family.

Now, a year later, I get a notice from the IRS saying that 2005 taxes were filed incorrectly and that I owe $199 because I didn't report the "additonal income" of $750.

70 to 80 years ago, the government created the IRS to collect income tax so that it could pay war costs and promised that when the war was over, the IRS would be closed and the income tax removed.

Today, the IRS still exists and it is now making me pay taxes on something that I already paid 13-14 months ago.

So here is my final thought: Anger over financial situations cause some people to drink, some to beat their kids. I, on the other hand, do not drink often and I have no kids...

Labels: random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 9:36 PM | Permalink | Comments

I am not going to jail. I have not committed any crimes, nor do I plan to in the future; however, if this was to happen and I was given the death sentence, I would choose my last meal to be an all-you-can-eat buffet.

I would eat very slowly, yet consistantly enough so they wouldn't cut me off, for the rest of my natural life.

Labels: random thoughts

Posted by Rooster at 7:29 PM | Permalink | Comments