Who am I?

  • Hi, I'm Rooster. I'm not going to waste space on here telling you about me. If you want to know who I am and what I'm about, check out my profile on MySpace. You can also email me by clicking here.

The Rooster's Thoughts

Monday, April 30, 2007

Exempli Gratia, Irony

The situation: Several classrooms at Des Moines Area Community College were evacuated after college officials became nervous about a suspicious package.

The task: Call bomb squad to investigate the suspicious package.

The action: Bomb squad investigates the package.

The result: Bomb squad finds a 500-pack box of condoms.

The irony: What is thought to be a bomb, threatening the safety of hundreds of students, turns out to be what is intended to keep those same students safe from diseases and pregnancy.

Moral of the story: Condoms result in an anti-climactic ending.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

From good to bad, to worse

Wow. What a weekend. Originally, my fiance and I were going to go for a day trip down to Seaside, OR. Well, typical Northwest weather said it was going to rain, rain, rain. I really didn't want to go to the beach on a cold and rainy day.

Instead, the wife-to-be and I decided we didn't want to hang around the house, so we made other plans.

First, we went to the Burke Museum of Natural History at the University of Washington. This was pretty cool. I've never actually gone to a real museum before. If you haven't, I suggest going. It's actually quite interesting.

Next we went to Alki Beach across the lake from Seattle. It wasn't rainy there so it was actually quite nice. We didn't really watch the tide too well though, so before we knew it, we were almost completely surrounded by water on our little island of sand. We narrowly escaped.

When we left, we were taking the I-90 floating bridge and some guy in a VW Jetta decided he wanted to play a little. So I played. We were racing each other at a nice leisurely 125+ mph across Lake Washington. That was fun.

That was the last of the fun. Once I got across the lake (3 times faster than I should have), the wife-to-be and I decide to go see a movie. I wanted to go see Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but I remembered we promised to go see that with my buddy and his girlfriend when they get back in town. I was thinking to myself, "I do want to see that new Nicolas Cage movie".

So I looked it up on my phone (because it's totally safe to surf the internet on the phone while driving), and found the show times.

We drove to the movie theater, got the tickets, popcorn, and soda. We went and sat down and started watching the previews. This is where things got bad. One of the previews happened to be for the Nicolas Cage movie I thought I was there to see. Apparently I mixed up the titles and confused "Next" for "Premonition". "Premonition" is the new Sandra Bullok movie.

Oh man. That was one of the dumbest movies I've seen in looooong time. Stupid, confusing plot and the b!%@# behind me wouldn't shut up.

So, after I walk out of the movie that was so retarded that the moviegoers should have worn helmets, we decide to go get some dinner. We love sushi and thought we'd try this place right by my house that we've never been to.

OK, it's 8:00 PM on a Saturday. Any other sushi place would be PACKED at that time. Not this place. We were the only ones there. I found out why. The only decent thing there was the california rolls and the gyoza. The other 5 or 6 things we ordered were either very distasteful or way too spicy. That place gets a big ol' thumbs down from me.

Time to go home and relax. As soon as I get home and settled in, my phone rings. It's my buddy who's out of town. The guy who was supposed to be taking care of his dogs got drunk in Seattle and couldn't take care of them that evening. The backup wasn't answering his phone. I'm the backup of the backup. Sometimes I hate the fact I am so reliable and always there when people need me. Especially after what comes next.

So, I drive 35-40 minutes in the pouring down rain to get to my buddy's house. When I finally got there, I let the dogs in and feed them. While they were eating, I thought to myself, "I'm gonna shoot some pool", so as I start walking over to the pool table: Sniff, sniff - What is that smell?!

Well, my friends, I just stepped in dog crap. Not a little bit from a little dog. It was a lot from a big dog. To make things worse, I'm wearing my running shoes, so they have a lot of traction - meaning lots of little crevices for crap to get into.

I proceeded to clean my shoes - which took about 20-25 minutes to get most of it out. When I'm done, I look over at the bird cage and realize it's missing something: The bird. Every litte door on the cage was unscrewed and the freaking bird was missing. It took a while, but I finally found the little bastard walking around the house. I put the cage back together and put the bird back.

Oh man, I did I need a cigarette. So I go outside, light one up, and decide I'm going to wipe my shoes on the grass to get any last remnants of the dog crap off my shoe. Well guess what? I got the remnants alright. The remnants of a whole new pile of crap!

So, that's how my Saturday went from good to bad, to worse. For the first time in my life, I actually looked forward to Monday.

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Monday, April 23, 2007

One Square

I saw this "news" article on Google today: Sheryl Crow's war on toilet paper.

The jist of it is Sheryl Crow is calling for a ban on overusage of toilet paper. Limit one square per sitting. "It will help save the Earth".

This is something I should have added to my list of pet peeves: Celebrities who use their fame to voice their opinion to the world. Guess what? Artists, actors, etc became famous because of their talent in movies, music, whatever. Not because of their opinion.
  • Dixie Chicks were famous for their country music. Then they shared their political opinion in a concert. Now they lost their fame and the country music fans have boycotted their music.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger was a famous actor for dozens of movies. Everybody loved him. He then became the California Governer and pissed off a bunch of people with his "girly men" comment. Now he's hated by a lot of people. "It's not a tumor!"
  • Rosie O'Donnel... man, I don't even have to explain this one.
  • And now... Sheryl Crow wants to limit the world to one square of TP.

There are many, many more I could cover, but I think blogger has a character limit at some point.

The fact is, like I mentioned above, people only like these celebrities for their talent.

Opinion is not talent!

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Monday, April 16, 2007

"My alarm didn't go off"

I'm normally up and ready to leave my house for work every morning by 7:00, but not today. I woke up at 6:55. My problem is that I hit snooze too many times. My alarm clock will only snooze in 10 minute increments, for up to an hour, then it turns off.

While I'm annoyed at this functionality (that if I hit snooze 6 times, that's all I get), it is not the alarm clocks fault. Granted, this was probably some engineers cruel joke of "how to mess with the consumer", but whatever. In the end, it is my responsibility to get up when the alarm goes off.

This leads me to another session of what really grinds my gears: "I was late because my alarm didn't go off".

This is hands-down one of the most commonly used excuses for late. If I am late, I will not use this excuse. If you are one of those people who uses this as an explanatory of your being late, keep the following in mind:

Using a SWAG (super wild ass guess), a good 60-70% of people that are late in the morning will use "my alarm didn't go off" as an excuse. If 60-70% of people that use this excuse were actually telling the truth, that means that next up to Ford SUVs, this would be the highest defect rate for any technology on the market today.

Hm, how often do you hear about alarm clock recalls? I never have. You probably never have either.

There are billions of alarm clocks used in the world today. Probably less than .00005% (again a SWAG) are defective. That means 99.00095% of alarms work just fine and the millions of people who are late that use this excuse are flat out lying about why they are late.

Come on people. Try taking some responsibility for yourself. You were late because you were a lazy ass. Just like me this morning.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Police Academy Graduate?!

I am absolutely amazed at this story. A sherriff wrote a ticket to himself because he changed lanes "unsafely".

I'm not at all bothered that he changed lanes "unsafely". I am impressed that he actually took reponsibility for himself. Most cops don't do that. Most cops break laws themselves and/or just don't protect or serve as they really should.

Not this guy. He actually did what was right. Kudos to you Sheriff Dennis Kocken. Kudos to you.

For more entertainment, refer to the plethora of articles in Cranky Monkey's archive for many stories on the other end of this spectrum: Police Academy Dropouts.

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Monday, April 09, 2007

Dub Club

So, most of you know that I am a VW enthusiast. As such, I thought I'd share a pic of my buddy's GTI that he just finished up. This dub is so clean, I have to say I am quite impressed.


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Friday, April 06, 2007

I'm in shape...

...and that shape is round. Holy crap. So, last night my step-daughter to be was playing with her new frisbee and accidently threw it up on the roof.

Me, being the nice guy I am, said I'd get up on the roof and get it back. The only problem: I don't have a ladder. So I pulled a MacGuyver and retrieved the larger trash can, pulled it up along side the house, jumped up on it and attempted to hoist myself on the roof.

Key word: attempted.

I quickly found out I am not in the same shape I used to be. You know, in shape, able to climb like a monkey, run like the wind, and actually be able to do stuff like this no problem. Nope, not the case anymore.

As I hoisted myself up, my extra 40-something lbs that is my gut got in the way and bounced me off the roof and I almost fell all the ground but luckily caught myself. How embarrassing.

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

Jackassery Award of the Day, Vol. 1

Clooney Pays $20 at Kids' Lemonade Stand.

Seriously. I'm embarrassed to even provide a link to this story. I'd be impressed if it was something like "Clooney Pays College Tuition at Kids' Lemonade Stand". But it wasn't. It was $20.

$20?! Not only is that so incredibly cheap for the second lamest version of Batman, but he didn't even pay it, he sent someone over to pay it for him.

George Clooney, I present you with the Jackassery Award of the Day. Jackass.

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